The Physician
Words:Cole Albert Porter
Music:Cole Albert Porter
Performed By:  Gertrude Lawrence
Copyright:Unknown
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Track Title:               The Physician


Prime Artist:              Gertrude Lawrence
Written by:                Cole Porter       (C. Albert P.)
From the Show:             Nymph Errant  1933 (S)


Lyrics:

[Published September 1933.  Originally titled, "But He Never Says He Loves
Me," it was first presented in the pre-New York performances of The New
Yorkers (1930).  Subsequently, it was earmarked for the unproduced show Star
Dust (1931).  The title change to "The Physician" and a few lyric changes
occurred during rehearsals for Nymph Errant.  Gertrude Lawrence, who
introduced it, recorded it on October 18, 1933.  Porter recorded it on
January 3, 1935]

The Physician
Music and Lyrics by Cole Porter

Verse

Once I loved such a shattering physician,
Quite the best-looking doctor in the state.
He looked after my physical condition,
And his bedside manner was great.
When I'd gaze up and see him there above me,
Looking less like a doctor than a Turk,
I was tempted to shisper, "Do you love me,
Or do you merely love your work?"

Refrain 1

He said my bronchial tubes were entrancing,
My epiglottis filled him with glee,
He simply loved my larynx
And went wild about my pharynx,
But he never said he loved me.
He said my epidermis was darling,
And found my blood as blue as could be,
We went through wild ecstatics,
When I showed him my lymphatics,
But he never said he loved me.
And though, no doubt,
It was not very smart of me,
I kept on a-wracking my soul
To figure out
Why he loved ev'ry part of me,
And yet not me as a whole.
With my esophagus he was ravished,
Enthusiastic to a degree,
He said 'twas just enormous,
My appendix vermiformis,
But he never said he loved me.

Refrain 2

He said my cerebellum was brilliant,
And my cerebrum far from N.G.,
I know he though a lotta
My medulla oblongata,
But he never said he loved me.
He said my maxillaries were marvels,
And found my sternum stunning to see,
He did a double hurdle
When I shook my pelvic girdle,
But he never said he loved me.
He seemed amused
When he first made a test of me
To further his medical art,
Yet he refused
When he'd fix up the rest of me,
To cure that ache in my heart.
I know he thought my pancreas perfect,
And for my spleen was keen as could be,
He said of all his sweeties,
I'd the sweetest diabetes,
But he never said he loved me.

Refrain 3

He said my vertebrae were "sehr schone,"
And called my coccyx "plus que gentil,"
He murmured "molto bella,"
When I sat on his patella,
But he never said he loved me.
He took a fleeting look at my thorax,
And started singing slightly off key,
He cried, "May Heaven strike us,"
When I played my umbilicus,
But he never said he loved me.
As it was dark,
I suggested we walk about
Before he returned to his post.
Once in the park,
I induced him to talk about
The thing I wanted the most.
He lingered on with me until morning,
Yet when I tried to pay him his fee,
He said, "Why, don't be funny,
It is I who owe you money,"
But he never said he loved me.

Contributed by Carlene Bogle (Piscescar9@cs.com)

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