A Football King (If I Were Only A Football Man)
Words:Cole Albert Porter
Music:Cole Albert Porter
Performed By:  Cole Porter
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Track Title:               A Football King (aka 'If I Were Only A Football Man')

Prime Artist:              Cole Porter       (C. Albert P.)
Written by:                Cole Porter       (C. Albert P.)
From:                      1912

Fact:  Written in summer 1912.  Original title intended for the Delta Kappa
Epsilon initiation play "The Pot Of Gold" (first performed Nov. 26, 1912),
but not used in that show. Revised and sung by Porter with the Yale Glee Club
during his senior year (1912-13), when he was the club's president.


Now I'm in an awful condition,
Filled with a vaulting ambition.
While I rave on deliriously,
Please don't take me too seriously.
I merely want to say,
I'd like to shine in a physical way.


If I were only a football King,
I'd go punting around all day,
Of every eye the apple,
When wearing my Y to chapel.
The girls would write for my autograph,
And all of that sort of thing,
Were I an oracular,
Very spectacular,
Regular football King.


Now I'm sure that I should find it heaven
If I had a chance to make the Yale eleven,
With my only stunt to go around and punt the afternoon away.
The cynosure of ev'ry eye, whenever I should pass men,
I'd open up and show my Y to all the underclassmen.
For my autograph I'd charge a dollar,
And I'd be the title of an Arrow collar,
Such a very muddy sort of very bloody sort of thing.
My opponents I should give a scalding
That would make me rival Captain Jesse Spalding.
If they'd only realize that I'm a football King.
*Early version for "The Pot Of Gold" (1912)

If I Were Only A Football Man


If I were only a football man,
I'd go punting around all day,
Of every eye the apple
When wearing my Y to chapel.
My talk would be so corpuscular
My verbs would even be muscular,
And mine would be such downs
As to bring home the touchdowns
If I were a football man.

Contributed by Carlene Bogle

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